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Video: I hate being gay -- but I luvvvvvvvs me some Tyra, girl!

by Jeremy Hooper

A few weeks back, I, Jeremy, told you how I was asked to participate in a "Tyra Banks Show" episode on gay for pay porn stars, and how I politely declined that invite. Well yesterday, that same show aired an episode on which I would have LOVED to have lent a verbal sense-slap. Here it is, in 5 parts:

Want to be a gay rugby player who goes drinking at the straight bars? THEN BE! Want to come home and cook dinner for your partner every night, spend your weekends with the volunteer firefighters, and eschew anything you see as flamboyant? THEN DO IT! These options are just as available to gay people as is the option to live in the Castro and wear nothing but a pride flag tee shirt. Gay is not stereotype. Gay is not any one defined culture. But everyone's sexuality is a reality that they need to learn, live and own. In terms of homosexuality, that truth has nothing to do with "Will & Grace," a thumping club, pink suede, or any other contrivance that people handily used as shorthand to mean "queer." It has nothing to do with any sort of "lifestyle." It has everything to do with acting on your actuality rather than play-acting.

We see this a lot with "ex-gays." Their version of "change" all too often invokes a discussion about cultural elements, like bars and pride parades, or superficial affectations like makeup or fashion. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! That is artifice. That is costume. That is stereotype. If we are to get anywhere on this conversation, we will quite literally strip away this adopted cultural inventions and get to the heart, the mind, and the body. These are what matter -- not whether or not you enjoy wearing lip gloss to a Madonna concert!

Tyra's "I Hate Being Gay" Show [JMG]

**Oh, and stop the self-hating lie that gays are incapable of monogamy. This writer and his partner are so happily monogamous, they've almost morphed into one being.

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Your thoughts

That wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting.

Posted by: Jon | Feb 20, 2009 11:28:20 AM

Ha! I would have loved to have been there. I don't fit the 'stereotype' either but I am out and proud, as is my partner of going on 9 years. Not Madonna fans either. I'm more of a rock and roller, he's a gospel/R&B fan. Also he's a christian and I'm an atheist. We could be a sitcom!

Posted by: John Ozed | Feb 20, 2009 11:40:50 AM

This kind of stuff drives me totally nuts. As an (openly gay) volunteer EMT who hangs out with the "volunteer firefighters" (and paid ones too) and knows more than a few gay firefighters (and some gay fire chiefs), police officers, EMTs, and pretty much any other profession, this sort of self-loathing is patently offensive.

More offensive is that the fact there is a presumed requirement to be straight-acting (ugh, I hate that term too) to be in these professions. Some of the people referenced above lean to the more effeminate side but are damn good at their jobs and are well-respected.

I'd love the opportunity to go on and slap some sense into these guys.

Posted by: Ed | Feb 20, 2009 12:36:37 PM

It's all so programmed into us, Ed, that it's hard to point blame. But yes -- it is maddening.

My hopes, dreams, joys, wishes, desires, tastes -- these are what inform my life. My sexual orientation informs only the fact that I love a man (and must politically defend that love).

Posted by: G-A-Y | Feb 20, 2009 12:42:13 PM

Stereotypes are difficult to ignore. You either embrace them and allow them to define you, or you actively fight against them. I try my best to ignore them, and just be myself.

And what is myself? I'm not particularly camp, but if I ever catch myself saying or doing something camp, I won't beat myself up about it. Why should I?

Not into sports. At all. Unless the players are hot. Dieux de Stade, anyone?


Posted by: Timothy (TRiG) | Feb 20, 2009 12:48:10 PM

Well I think that's the thing, TRIG: Not seeing a need to self-check. I can honestly say that I'm not hung up on trying to fit in any sort of mold.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Feb 20, 2009 1:01:09 PM

I saw the episode. It was amazing.
The first kid had ISSUES. He found both genders sexually repugnant.
I got the feeling his life was a build-up of sexual tension, until he finally gave in and had sex with a guy, and then he was repulsed immediately afterwards.
And the kid was 19, but he was going to wait until age 30 until he "went straight"? Presumably because he doesn't want to be a 30-year old going after 16-year olds, which in his small world experience is what gay 30-year olds are like.
And of course, he came from a Christian family where "most" things were taboo and wrong. Probably a major reason why he is freaked by all gender sexual organs.

Posted by: foundit66 | Feb 20, 2009 2:01:53 PM

Well, ain't Tyra the hung up nasty old piece of work?

Unless she does a follow up episode: straights that are sick of their vile, perverted lifestyle! You know. Birthing unwanted children, beating them, killing their spouses, having kinky sex and orgies with other heterosexuals, being obsessed with sex, bad fashion and really ugly hair (like Tyra).

Posted by: GeorgeM | Feb 21, 2009 5:37:10 AM

The most unnatural thing to be is abstinent and celibate. Especially from social and political repression. Any doctor, medical or psychiatric worth his credentials would tell you that repressed sexuality, love starvation are EXTREMELY unhealthy!

No one should have to argue so exhaustively regarding their naturally occurring attribute. No one should be defending, if they are gay, why they can't work up any attraction to a female or 'force' themselves to like it.

The mental and emotional abuse that gay young people like this are subject to, should be called exactly that and parents given the opportunity to cease, or be considered abusers in the criminal sense.

C'MON people!
Would his parents look at this and not consider the fact that it is THEY who have created such a messed up young person?

And that girlfriend of the first part. SHE looks old enough to be HIS mother. She herself looks like a walking self esteem problem.

When, when, WHEN...is the public at large going to get that homosexuality is NORMAL. And that all attempts to change, forcible political and social policy negatively impacts gay youth in ways that serve nothing good or positive in the long run.

Negative stereotypes are STILL harming black people, long years since the civil rights movement's implementation.
Does anyone really want the same legacy damaging more gay youth too?

Posted by: Regan DuCasse | Feb 21, 2009 2:16:53 PM

And why the f*** is star-whore Neil G and GLAAD giving Tyra Banks a friggin Gold Medal in April at the NYC Media Awards? The invitation and award should be rescinded. She needs a 11 1/2 EE black ostrick Western boot in her backside!

Posted by: bigolpoofter | Feb 22, 2009 1:06:24 AM

I was getting tired of the word "lifestyle"!

If I had a penny.........

Posted by: GT | Feb 22, 2009 6:54:02 PM

I can't believe shows like this are still being aired. I assume no one was on the show to counter-act these people's self-hatred? Jeremy makes a good point along the lines that being gay means different things to different people. There is really no such thing as "gay behavior" because we all act differently. I know some homosexual men don't relate to a lot of so-called stereotypical gay behavior, but the answer isn't for them to say they are non-gay or post-gay or what-have-you, but to simply expand what the term "gay" means which they could do by coming out. i.e. "I'm like this and not like that, but I'm still gay!"

I agree that GLAAD should ask for their award back from Banks.

The sad thing is that many of these self-hating homos that they had on the show lurk around GLBT blogs and message boards and regurgitate their venom via nasty anonymous comments.

Why did the Banks show choose just NOW to air this offensive program? What's up with that?

Posted by: Bill Samuels | Feb 23, 2009 2:45:10 AM

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