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03/12/2009

Dear gay person who I know nothing about (but will pretend to anyway):

by Jeremy Hooper

This from a reader named Wayne (who we believe is the preacher at a California church):

mail

Jeremy's one and only reaction: How bold of this penpal to assume that I'm a bottom.

***

**UPDATE: A spirited conversation, including further insight from the writer of this email, is happening in this posts' comments section. Have at it.

space gay-comment gay-G-A-Y-post gay-email gay-writer-jeremy-hooper


Your thoughts

What really strikes me about this lovely note is the unspoken assumption that any kind of penetration automatically makes the penetrated party somehow inferior. This should not come as a surprise because those who maintain this viewpoint that homosexuality is a sin, are also the ones who believe women should be subservient to men, silent in church, and submissive to their husbands. Inherent in those tenets of the faith is the belief that women are inferior to men. It seems anyone that is receptive to a penis, is by definition, inferior.

Posted by: keltic | Mar 12, 2009 3:05:13 PM

Jeremy, his assumption probably follows that he himself wishes you were a bottom and he could have his way with you. :-)

Posted by: tom | Mar 12, 2009 3:07:07 PM

My first reaction was "why don't you simply repent of yours?"

Posted by: Tom | Mar 12, 2009 3:11:11 PM

Is "gayish" not quite gay? Sort of like "straightish", which I assume is what your penpal is.

Posted by: Taylor | Mar 12, 2009 3:20:56 PM

He sounds hot. I wonder if he has an ad on Craigslist?

Posted by: John Ozed | Mar 12, 2009 3:22:04 PM

Why are straight people so concerned with gay sex? I don't think about them having sex...

Posted by: Pomo | Mar 12, 2009 3:30:01 PM

Well Pomo, I think we have to draw a distinction between straight people and straight people who take the time to write an unsolicited, unprovoked email to a gay writer.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Mar 12, 2009 3:32:22 PM

Wonder if he is a Republican... Here is what Michael Steele said to GQ, just reported on 365 today.
"Sure Steele went crazy in a previous interview when he was asked about civil unions, but with GQ he says something that will need to be explained to a number of his Republican peers.

“Um, you know, I think that there’s a whole lot that goes into the makeup of an individual that, uh, you just can’t simply say, oh, like, ‘Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being gay.’ It’s like saying, ‘Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being black.’”

Pause for a moment and listen please. The sound you just heard were the Exodus folk throwing a hissy fit."

So whatever you do Jeremy, DON'T STOP.

Posted by: LOrionL | Mar 12, 2009 3:43:32 PM

I, too, am struck by the conflation of homosexual-bottom-inferior. What about the tops? I say this both somewhat in jest and on a more serious theoretical level. I think a (note "a" not "the") bottom/top inferior/superior paradigm does exist in some part of the gayish consciousness, not just in random Christian pen pal culture.

This is not to be a self-critical admission on behalf of all gayish people everywhere (I really like "gayish"), just an observation. Nor do I mean to say that it's the same attitude as Jeremy's new friend has.

In fact, I'm not entirely sure I have a point, just... thoughts.

Posted by: michael | Mar 12, 2009 3:45:53 PM

OOPS there is was down below ... or above by time, whatever. Oh. well I like the quote here too.

Posted by: LOrionL | Mar 12, 2009 3:45:53 PM

"Inherent in those tenets of the faith is the belief that women are inferior to men. It seems anyone that is receptive to a penis, is by definition, inferior."

I totally agree. I also think the feminist movement's upheaval of gender norms in mainstream relationships has done a lot to enable the acceptance of same-sex relationships. Although people are still enamored with the question of who's "the man" and "the woman"...sigh.

Posted by: Dana Sullivan | Mar 12, 2009 4:03:33 PM

This made me giggle. AT WORK!!

Posted by: Julie | Mar 12, 2009 4:36:42 PM

We really should forgive him for such an assumption. I'm certain that over the years, we have all made an incorrect assumption about a new friend. It can lead to some very awkward moments.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Mar 12, 2009 4:37:25 PM

Well I'm not saying he's correct or incorrect, Mike -- just that he shouldn't assume :-)

Posted by: G-A-Y | Mar 12, 2009 4:40:00 PM

"Inherent in those tenets of the faith is the belief that women are inferior to men. It seems anyone that is receptive to a penis, is by definition, inferior."

Keltic, I have long held that same opinion of those in the christian religions. The picture of "god" that they portray can only be that of a misogynistic womanizer. Either that or a nine year old male heterosexual who is prone to bouts of temper tantrums, and that still believes that women have cooties. I used to think that maybe the "god" of the "bible" was really a gay man, but gay men generally treat women with much more respect than the bible does, and a hell of a lot more than it's fundamentalist adherents do.

Posted by: Dick Mills | Mar 12, 2009 4:49:27 PM

"Jeremy, his assumption probably follows that he himself wishes you were a bottom and he could have his way with you. :-)"

Bingo!!!!!

Posted by: libhomo | Mar 12, 2009 4:52:58 PM

Funny how all these Bible quoters conveniently leave out the part that gays should "surely be put to death".

Posted by: Jake | Mar 12, 2009 5:00:51 PM


Oh dear! Do you get many like this?

I can just envision this one going up on the big cork board next to the water cooler at G-A-Y Central.

Posted by: dave b | Mar 12, 2009 5:01:54 PM

I think you should write him back and say:

I don't hate you either. Love the bigot; Hate the bigotry. :-)

Posted by: remix | Mar 12, 2009 5:41:01 PM

Funny you should say that, Remix. I actually did write back and mention the the fact that I would never refer to him with a simplistic "you're a hater." And he was all like, "Yea I know -- but some sites do, so that's who I'm talking about."

Apparently in personal email dealings, I represent the entire gay blogosphere.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Mar 12, 2009 5:49:50 PM

dateless and lonely.

These bible thumpers should practice reading their book of fairy tales stop their goddamn finger pointing judgmental pinhead bullshit.

Posted by: Eddie Keator | Mar 12, 2009 6:56:08 PM

"Ask God to forgive you and to change you and He will as He promised".

See!!

I knew that Exodus was going about it the wrong way. All those years after years of meetings and conferences and seminars and retreats and live-in half-way houses and testimonies and efforts that are exhausting to even hear about. They are all to waste.

All they needed to do was ask God to forgive them and change them and He would as He promised.

Fools!!

Posted by: Timothy | Mar 12, 2009 7:04:44 PM

I THINK MOST OF YOU MAKE LIGHT OF SOMETHING THAT MOST STRAIGHT MEN DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY. MANY DO THINK THAT TO BE GAY AND MALE, MEANS YOU ARE THE RECIEVER OF THE PENIS. I HAVE HAD MANY CONVERSATIONS WITH STRAIGHT MEN ABOUT SEXUAL ROLES. MORE OF US SHOULD SEEK TO HAVE THOSE KIND OF CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT SOMEHOW HAVING TO INJECT INNUENDO, AND A HIDDEN MOTIVE OF STR8 MEN WHO REALLY CARE TO UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY. NO WONDER MANY THINK THAT WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN SEXUAL BEASTS. WE SHOULD BE MORE WILLING TO ENGAGE SUCH DISCOURSE WITHOUT ACTING LIKE JUVENILE, PUBESCENT BOYS.

Posted by: steve tabarez | Mar 12, 2009 7:08:17 PM

Pen pal needs to repent of being a judgmental bigot. I recall Jesus saying something like "Judge not, lest ye be judged" and "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Funny how those people who are so obsessed with our lives can't remember anything but the six clobber verses.

Posted by: Buffy | Mar 12, 2009 7:22:14 PM

Steve: Shhhh.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Mar 12, 2009 7:47:19 PM

LOL at the bottom assumption. I do wish you'd publish email addresses so we can educate this bastard.

Posted by: Tony P | Mar 12, 2009 7:52:02 PM

To all the men who behave like women:

Since I am the person who wrote Jeremy, I think that I am more than qualified to give a response. First, to Jeremy's point about being a "top" and not a "bottom", it doesn't matter as you are still perverted!

Whether you get poked in the Butt or you do the poking, both persons are to be pitied. As much as people talk about men laying down like girls, and allowing themselves to be poked in the Butt, I take the other position and say it is equally sickening if not more so, that a man would want to put his penis inside another man's bacteria and feces filled and nasty Butt!

To those who claim that the people who is against the gay lifestyle are "haters", "bigots", and "intolerant", you need to come up with something original as those statements are worn out and they do not work!

We still believe that homosexuality is a deviant, perverted, shameful, nasty, disgraceful, and sickening lifestyle, and without question, Almighty God will judge all sexual perverts!

It's really quite simple: be the men that God created you to be! Stop desiring to behave like women. the mere fact that God gave you the "male equipment", says you should behave in the manner of men, not women!

Posted by: Wayne | Mar 12, 2009 8:02:58 PM

It's always funny when people don't realize you're being a silly.

Wayne, OF COURSE I don't care whether you think I am a top, a bottom, or something in between. Nor do I care whether or not you think my (fabulous) sex life is "perverted."

Judge away. I will continue to laugh, rather than scream at your words.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Mar 12, 2009 8:22:20 PM

Well, Wayne, you obviously don't care to learn and or try to enlighten yourself. And, that is sad. My God taught me to seek to understand, before seeking to be understood. Sadder still, is you don't even seek to be understood. For if you did, I would think that you would listen to those parts of your bible that speaks of humility, grace, understanding and love for your fellow man. I don't remember being taught hatefulness, or that judging others was a virtue, or that it is ok to demean another one of GODS CHILDREN. Which I am, whether you like it is or not. I'll pray for you.

Posted by: Steve tabarez | Mar 12, 2009 9:22:10 PM

Yet it is perfectly okay for a man to stick his penis inside a woman's butt, right?

And woman behavior = being penetrated. Thanks for teaching us that. If only those heterosexual couples who practice "pegging" would understand.

Posted by: ---- | Mar 12, 2009 9:44:30 PM

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